Domestic Abuse: 10 things workplaces can do

Written by Andrew Lane, Head of Change Delivery (North East Area), HM Prison and Probation Service.

One-in-four women and one-in-six/seven men will experience some form of Domestic Abuse (defined as the abusive behaviour of one person towards another where they are personally connected and each is aged 16 or over) in their lifetime. Despite this, the estimated £2 billion pound cost to UK businesses through lost productivity, and the statutory guidance accompanying the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 (which makes clear that employers should consider the impact of domestic abuse on their employees as part of their duty of care), only around 5% of employers have introduced a specific policy or guidance to their organisations.

For victim-survivors, an effective workplace response can be both life-changing, and potentially life-saving; providing a safety net and support at a point of extreme vulnerability and personal danger. When I disclosed the abuse I was suffering to my employer their response was, for the most part, superb but this was perhaps more by accident than design – the product of a culture in which Domestic Abuse had not yet become a workplace conversation. The intervening years have seen real change in this regard and thankfully for employers now there is extensive support and guidance available to better inform a workplace response. And, as the following 10 tips will hopefully demonstrate, an effective response does not have to cost the organisation – much is easily within reach…

1. Create a Safe Space
   
   Imagine for a second, the challenge of arriving at the office fresh from a verbal or physical assault, dusting yourself down, and trying to get on with your working day…There has perhaps traditionally been a belief that Domestic Abuse is a private issue, confined to the home lives of employees but this is to overlook the degree to which abuse impacts victims’ capacity to function effectively.It is likewise unrealistic to assume that the abuse stops once an employee enters the office; over 1-in-10 victims report abuse continuing in their workplace, most often in the form of abusive emails and phone calls. Likewise, abusers commonly seek to maximise their importance in the lives of their victims, whilst simultaneously minimising the value of other activities or interests. For me, the result of this was that the abuse intensified around major work events – much as it did around family milestones or celebrations – compounding stress, and making focus increasingly challenging.
   
   Empowering employees to bring their whole selves to work, and de-stigmatising Domestic Abuse through open dialogue, helps to create an enabling environment for disclosure and for an open conversation about the impact of abuse.
   
   
2. Be Aware
   
   If we’re able to create workspaces where people can bring their full selves, then by extension we should know our employees and colleagues sufficiently to spot the changes in work patterns, behaviour or demeanour that may signal something is wrong. Have they become anxious, tense, tearful, or depressed; are they wearing clothes not suited to the current climate in order to hide injuries; has the quality of their work declined; are they distracted or distant; or is their partner frequently attending the workplace? Of course, these things don’t necessarily mean abuse is happening, but if we have successfully created the space for open dialogue in the workplace, then they may be a prompt to check in more frequently, to ask how things are, and whether everything is OK.
   
   
3. Be Informed and Be Ready
   
   In establishing a safe space for disclosure the ambition is that victims will have the confidence and security to seek help, however victims often seek to mask what’s happening, and to suggest that all is well. It was this tendency on my part that meant the first my employer knew of my situation was a Monday morning phonecall to state that I wouldn’t be able to come in as my wife had been arrested for assault. I was fortunate that, whilst there was no specific guidance on dealing with Domestic Abuse, there were emergency protocols that enabled them to respond effectively. As such, it’s important to be prepared for the possibility of disclosure; to have a plan in place, and to know who and where to refer to. This does not mean becoming an expert on Domestic Abuse but it does mean understanding the basic principles and how best to respond so that you don’t find yourselves scouring the intranet for the company policy, or the internet for advice.
   
   
4. Mind your Language
   
   The point of disclosure is a moment of extreme vulnerability and the right words and actions can and will make a huge difference. There is no typical victim, Domestic Abuse can impact anyone, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, sexuality or background – as such, be mindful that your language is inclusive and open, free from stereotypes or prejudice. Likewise, be non-judgmental and avoid pressuring them to pursue a particular course of action; instead, create time and space to listen, and most importantly, be clear that there are no conditions on your support.
   
   
5. Access Support
   
   Thankfully there is now a wealth of material available to employers in understanding these issues. Joining the Employers Initiative on Domestic Abuse is free for companies, and unlocks a wealth of online resources, including their comprehensive handbook. Hestia’s Everyone Business helpline provides free advice and guidance to managers supporting colleagues impacted by Domestic Abuse. And the Bright Sky App is not only an invaluable support tool, but also features a directory of local Domestic Abuse services which victims can be referred in to for professional support.
   
   
6. Recognise it’s a long game
   
   It’s a common, but understandable, misconception that escaping an abuser is the end of the story, and by extension that life should then return to some kind of normal. In my case, a couple of years after I separated from my abusive ex following a particularly violent assault, I faced one of the most challenging conversations I've ever had at work. It was my appraisal and as far as I was concerned, there was no cause for concern — life was difficult, juggling a full-time senior role and full-time single parenthood to two young kids, but I was keeping my head above water...or so I thought.
   
   Instead, my manager informed me that he felt things weren’t working as expected; allowances had been made for my situation but mentally and professionally, I still wasn’t fully back in the room and this needed to change. With hindsight, it was a useful wake-up call - I realised how much I was allowing my abuser to consume and define me, and determined to re-focus my energies. The implicit threat to my job security at an enormously precarious time was however an unwelcome shock and one that could likely have been avoided if I, and my employer, had had a realistic grasp of the post-separation landscape.
   
   
7. Leverage existing support systems
   
   Developing a Domestic Abuse response may feel like a daunting task but fortunately it’s likely that some of the most effective support systems potentially already exist as part of your existing employee support system. For example, in the immediate aftermath of the separation from my partner, my employer booked a series of counselling sessions with a local therapist during work hours and explicitly provided permission to take this time out each week. Having avoided arranging any such support for myself as a I simply couldn’t see where it would fit between work and childcare, this proactive support was invaluable. Later, as I grappled with the challenges of juggling single parenthood and work, the opportunity to engage with a professional work coach helped me to navigate the intersection of my home and work life, build resilience, and start to give some thought to my longer-term career journey.
   
   
8. Be victim-survivor led
   
   In offering support it is however vital that you’re led by the victim-survivor and their needs, rather than trying to be the judge of what’s best for them. Whilst counselling worked for me at the point it was offered, it’s not necessarily the right solution for everyone and there is a risk that referring to counselling services might actually preclude a victim from accessing the support of professional Domestic Abuse agencies, who may not be able to become involved if an intervention is already in place. Likewise, be mindful that Employee Assistance Programmes may not necessarily be properly equipped to deal with Domestic Abuse disclosures, despite assurances to the contrary. Rather than signposting to these helplines, aim to refer into specialist Domestic Abuse services based on the needs of the individual, and the locality you’re in.
   
   
9. Be Flexible
   
   Escaping an abuser is not easy and as I’ve outlined above, it’s distinctly possible that life for the victim-survivor is about to get more, rather than less complicated. Court hearings, childcare, counselling, legal appointments, and ongoing post-separation abuse – all place a demand on time, and most will not sit comfortably outside of the working day. As such, one of the most significant pillars of support you can offer is flexibility. Whether accommodating my absence for Court hearings or appointments, or understanding that the school run may take longer on the days when separation anxiety hit and the kids needed extra support getting into school; it was the flexibility to manage my working hours that helped keep my head above water, and which meant the most out of the many kindnesses my employer showed me.
   
   
10. Be Kind
    
    Which brings me to the final point, and perhaps the simplest which is, at the risk of sounding trite, that kindness costs nothing, and yet is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal. For a number of years there were mornings that were really, really tough…perhaps the night before had been dealing with abusive texts and emails, perhaps there’d been legal paperwork to manage or a Family Court hearing to prepare for, perhaps the kids hadn’t wanted to go to school that day. In any case, when I arrived in work on those difficult days, it was often the small kindnesses that kept me afloat…the smile, the offer of a cup of tea, the knowing question of “tough morning?”, and of course the opportunity just to talk.
    

So, be understanding, be supportive, be interested and engaged – create the space for dialogue and make it clear that your colleagues matter. And in doing so, apply that same kindness to yourself – don’t feel guilt if you missed signs along the way (victims may have good reason for hiding the abuse – not least the risk that disclosure could cause it to escalate) and don’t become so concerned about doing or saying the right thing that you do nothing at all. No one expects you to become an expert in all of this, there are professional services whose role that is; what matters is that you care, that you’re motivated to help and that you listen.