The Resilience Paradox: When Strength Leads to Burnout

We hear a lot about resilience these days. It’s that inner fortitude, the ability to bounce back from adversity, pick ourselves up, and keep moving forward. In a world that often feels overwhelming, resilience seems like the ultimate superpower. But what happens when that strength becomes a double-edged sword? What if our very resilience is setting us up for burnout?

I’m often asked the question… how do you do it all?

Being a single parent, managing the asks of the primary school, working a full-time gig as a leader, managing a very busy workload, mentoring, blogging, exercising, socialising… the list goes on. Most of the time, I do it because I am resilient. I thrive on pressure. I project manage the crap out of my life and I enjoy it. Most of the time.

My wonderful sister is incredibly important to me. Not because she’s my best mate and we never get bored in each other’s company but because she also enables me to thrive. She helps take my children to school when I’m in the office. She helps them with their homework when I’m still working and even cooks dinner for all of us most of the time. But she needed me these last few weeks. She lives with a chronic illness and suffers with back pain. Pain that led her to be taken by ambulance to A&E this last week.

I had to be there in the way she’s been for me. I had to arrive late at work because I was now taking the kids to school and leave early to pick them up. I had to ensure their homework was done and make dinner for us all. I had to minimise the stress in my sisters life to ensure she got the rest she needed and ensure she wasn’t doing too much.

But here’s the thing nobody tells you: being too resilient can lead to trouble. While my sister was constantly apologising and asking what she could do to help me, I was so conscious of her getting better, I ignored what I also needed to let go of. My resilience was like building a fortress, brick by brick, until I was so walled off, I couldn’t even hear my own internal shouting for help.

I brushed off life stresses like it was a bit of fluff. “I got this,” I’d tell myself, even when my body was screaming “Nah.” I ignored the headaches, the nights I couldn’t sleep. I was so busy being strong, I forgot how to be a proper human.

And then, I crashed.

Burnout hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t just being knackered. It was like my soul had gone on strike. Suddenly, all that resilience I thought I had? Gone.

And thankfully, this isn’t the first time so when it really showed its ugly head, I recognised it straight away.

The other day, my son was asked to get his football kit in his school bag. He said he didn’t need it and argued with me. I lost it. I mean properly lost it. I yelled, I ranted, I made a mountain out of a molehill, and then I just… stared at my son’s confused and hurt face. It wasn’t about the PE. It was about everything else, all the stress I’d been ignoring, finally losing my temper in a way that was completely disproportionate and, honestly, a bit heart breaking.

Here’s the messed-up part: Burnout doesn’t just drain your energy; it attacks your resilience at its core. It makes you doubt yourself. You start thinking, “If I can’t even handle this, what can I handle?” The very thing that used to be your superpower becomes your biggest weakness.

It’s like your internal battery gets so fried, it can’t hold a charge anymore. You’re left feeling empty, fragile, and honestly, a bit scared stiff.

Here’s how easily it can happen:

• Ignoring the Warning Signs: Highly resilient individuals often have a tendency to downplay their own needs. We become so adept at managing stress that we ignore the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs of burnout: fatigue, irritability, detachment.
• The “Superhuman” Complex: We start to believe we can handle anything. We take on more and more, convinced that our resilience will see us through. But even superheroes need to rest.
• Lack of Boundaries: Resilience can sometimes lead to a blurring of personal and professional boundaries. We become so focused on “getting the job done” that we neglect our own well-being.
• Internalised Pressure: We can pressure ourselves to always be strong, to never show weakness. This constant pressure can lead to chronic stress and, eventually, burnout.

So, how do we break free from this paradox?

• Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to the warning signs of burnout. Don’t ignore fatigue, irritability, or changes in your mood
• Set Boundaries: Learn to say “no.” Protect your time and energy.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that you’re not perfect and that it’s okay to struggle.
• Prioritise Rest and Recovery: Resilience isn’t about pushing through exhaustion. It’s about knowing when to rest and recharge.
• Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or mental health professional.

So after a busy week at work with a just one or two unknown meetings thrown in for good measure, taking on presenting my career to a bunch of 14, 15 and 16yr olds at a secondary school, running back and forth to the school and ensuring I’m looking after my sister, this weekend I plan to recover.

I’ll spend some quality time outside of the house, showing my children a lot of love and fun, celebrating my sisters birthday all while avoiding the washing, the cleaning, reading emails and anything else that can wait while I get myself out of this funk. Always remember to fit your own mask first. You’ll be pretty useless to others if you don’t.