Top 5 tips for managing grieving employees

The harsh reality is that while we are all one degree of separation away from the loss of a loved one, the ensuing grief is all too often incomprehensible to those around us who have not experienced it first hand.

Grief is real and will not be denied. It may help to frame the grief experience with two metaphors. First, think of grief like a backpack one can never take off – rather one learns to carry it, and it takes time and work to figure out what to keep or what to let go. Second, grief is oceanic and relentless. It hits you in waves – overwhelming and frequent at first and gradually abating over the years – except for those unanticipated ‘sneaker waves’ that completely upend you.

So how do you manage and properly support an employee navigating through grief? Here’s a starting list of considerations:

1. Be compassionate
   Sit down and have the hard conversation. Acknowledge that your employee is, whether they admit it or not, struggling to stay focused. (Depending on the situation, the waves of grief will initially wash over them every couple of minutes.)
   


2. Be willing to ‘slow down to speed up’
   Giving your employee the chance to grieve once the dust has settled after dealing with the myriad logistics of coroner report, body disposition, funeral/memorial service, will make them more productive upon their return.
   
   
3. Be flexible.
   Sit down with your employee, explore their mindset and objectives. Be willing to discuss options. FMLA and formal bereavement leave involve a lot of administrative cycles and costs. Giving co-workers the ability to donate PTO time or crafting a manager’s letter of understanding for a period of leave that guarantees them their position upon return may prove more mutually beneficial and likely to engender greater loyalty and commitment from both the bereaved and the rest of the team.
   
   
4. Help co-workers communicate
   The truism for that nobody knows what to say to someone grieving. Often that leads to hesitancy to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. Make up a cheat sheet of simple but compassionate phrases or key points that the team can use; e.g. ‘I am sorry for your loss – just know I’m thinking about you,’ or ‘I know this is hard – just know I’ve got your back or am here if you need me.’ So too, it is helpful if you can coach the person grieving to prepare them and remember that people mean well even if they say the wrong thing. Sometimes this coaching may also extend to strongly suggesting supportive services or counselling.
   
   
5. Reframe your timeline
   Refactor your expectations for the grieving employee’s productivity and performance. The hardest part about grieving is that it is NOT something one ‘gets over’ or works through in months or a year. Indeed, the second year is often worse than the first, when any little thing will be upending. Most people say that it takes seven years to emerge from the fog.

Hopefully, these points can be a starting point for developing options that work best for your situation. Bottom line, the best way to build trust and get more from your team is to remember that grief affects not just the bereaved but those around them.

Onward.